Hate.

I hate myself.
I hate my life.
I hate what's happening to me.
I hate it all.

It's as if they just come and go -- insignificant objects and people in my life. But it seems the more significant and important they are in my life, the faster they disappear.

Perhaps it's just me.

She's been helping me along for years.. But I feel it's still too short. It's as if snap! And it's all gone. Taken away from me. Just like that. The way it disappears and the fact that it disappears make an impact on me, just that sometimes it doesn't seem so.

She's been here for months -- only. It's not even been a year. And poof! Gone.

She's been 'alongside' me for years. But it seems, her 'disappearence' is not so sudden. It's just a long and slow process, as if she's walking further every second.

It's always happening. Yes, parting is just simply part and parcel of life, but so suddenly is just unexpected and shocking.

Saddening.

---

I saw it. I know I did. Couldn't I just stare at it for a while longer? I saw it. I saw you. It seemed ages since that happened. It reminded me of you, a lot. I knew, from the start, I wouldn't be able to forget you. I thought I wouldn't see you again. Ever. There and then, it suddenly appeared. It was shocking, but pleasant. I wish I could just tear it down. I just wanted the top. Wouldn't they just give me another copy? It wouldn't be worth that much, I fathom. You could say I would do almost anything. But of course, the real thing would be much better. I knew you would never come back. I couldn't believe it when you said you were leaving. I thought it'd last for at least a year. I cried. You wouldn't even be there no longer. And there was no memory whatsoever. Photos, none. Maybe I should've asked. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It felt so... Wrong. As if I'd been walking on the wrong track all along. As if it was all a mistake. I know perhaps you wouldn't understand it.. Couldn't feel it. But every second you were there, somehow my mood would never be bad, no matter what happened. Then you were gone, and everything seemed to crumble. I hated her to the core. Because she would be the one there instead of you. Because everything she did seemed to be so unreal. Because she seemed just like a hypocrite. Because I just couldn't take in the fact that you were leaving. Would you ever return?